When Grief Turns into Purpose

It's been almost two months since I got back from the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium.

I'm still in awe of how amazing the experience was. It surpassed all my expectations.

I had been warned this experience was going to be overwhelming. So of course I took that as a challenge to mentally prepare myself to not be overwhelmed.

Needless to say, I was quite overwhelmed!

First of all, as someone who has never been diagnosed with IBC, the honor of being asked to come and write stories of lived experiences was not lost on me. Incredibly humbled, I wanted to make sure I gave all of these women a very loud and clear voice.

Second, I had never been to a conference of this magnitude. As a medical professional, conferences are a yearly event for me. Mostly, we're ushered into a large room stocked with tables, breakfast muffins, fruit, and coffee while "some really smart person I've never heard of" teaches me the latest and greatest regarding medication therapy or practice guidelines. Typically, these last a day or two and honestly, they're all really boring and I'd be lying if I didn't admit to sneaking out of a few early a time or two...

The beautiful riverwalk of San Antonio!

SABCS is not your typical conference.

Within the first ten minutes of walking into the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, I felt like I was in a magical place.

With the bright, open windows of the atrium, the flooding light made everything and everyone that it touched glitter. The lobby was filled with tall round tables, rows of check in desks, attendants pointing you in your needed direction, assistance desks, a Starbucks, and people everywhere. People in suits were all along a bench, working furiously on their emails. Small groups of specialists were standing around drinking their coffees and discussing research. Patient advocates were shaking hands with doctors and sharing their stories or asking their questions.

After finding Carol Mikel with The IBC Network Foundation, I was led through these large escalators to an upstairs room - the Advocates Lounge. This was filled with food and people. Crafts were lined along the walls where women were collectively painting shared art. TVs played the current speakers. Wall to wall round tables were full of survivors.

It was a room full of joy, full of excitement, full of hope.

I sat down at a table and was greeted by advocates representing The IBC Network Foundation and the founder of The IBC Network Foundation in Canada. Terry Arnold was quickly at the table and excitedly giving introductions.

I must admit, in that moment, my fears of being the wrong person to represent this foundation were immediately erased. There was a sisterhood at this table and for the first time in a long, long time, I could feel the spirit of my best friend with me. It was as if I was continuing her networking dreams during her fight with IBC and she was there.

I could see her face, her her voice in every single one of their stories. It was a level of catharsis I didn't know one could achieve.

I was in the right place.

Advocacy booths at the 2025 SABCS

After a quick huddle, the advocates dispersed to their various stations. Some were going to be a presence at The IBC Network Foundation booth, providing information to visitors. Others were headed to hear a speaker. I, myself, was headed to the posters. My job was to highlight the work of researchers The IBC Network Foundation had provided seed money to and my bonus was to find all of the posters that were IBC and/or women's health focused.

We headed back through the large atrium through two double doors that led into the exhibit area. This space made the lobby look like it was just a Starbucks.

People were everywhere. Time Square hit me in the face. There were countless booths of big pharma with large digital signs, couches, charging stations, ambient lighting, snacks, drinks, endless flashy things to get your attention so they could tell you about their drug.

The amount of money spent by big pharma on advertising was alarming. Especially when you consider what the actual purpose of the symposium. If only a fraction of the money spent on the floating carousels above were spent on research, we could have so much more progress on IBC.

I was led over to the advocate counter for The IBC Network Foundation and before I could blink, Terry was there, introducing me to a revolving door of people she knows in the fields of oncology, research, and advocacy. Next year, I'll definitely be taking pictures with everyone I meet and writing down names to keep up!

Then it was off to the posters. I was overwhelmed.

Research posters with presenters at 2025 SABCS.

Researchers were waiting eagerly to share their findings, practitioners and advocates were asking so many questions - there was so much information to process. I quickly had my notebook out to scribble down as much as I could.

I met so many awe-inspiring brains. The ingenuity, the brilliance, the impact - these are people making a real difference for breast cancer patients everywhere. Society recognizes nurses and doctors as the heroes of healthcare but the truth is we are nothing without the science from these researchers. Just as Florence Nightingale's work brought us the basic sanitary practices at the core of nursing today, these experts are developing the treatment guidelines that will transform IBC treatment. When I finally stepped away, I realized something had quietly shifted in me. I had come to SABCS to observe, to listen, to write. I didn’t expect to find healing there too.

In those rooms, in those conversations, in the shared language of survival and science, I felt my friend beside me. Not in grief, but in purpose. Her curiosity. Her fight. Her belief that knowledge is power and connection is everything.

People from all over the world in San Antonio for the SABCS.

SABCS didn’t just overwhelm me with information, it reminded me why advocacy matters, why research matters, and why telling these stories is worth the emotional cost. I didn’t leave with all the answers. But I left knowing, without question, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

And that this work, this telling and this witnessing, is far from finished.

I cannot wait to go back.

About the Author

Stephanie Pilkinton, RN, MSN, FNP-C, PMHNP-BC

Founder of Sweet Tea & Science | Nurse Practitioner | Writer | Wellness Advocate

Stephanie is a dual-certified nurse practitioner with a passion for blending evidence-based medicine with everyday life. She believes wellness should feel approachable, not overwhelming — and that a little Southern comfort and curiosity go a long way.

Follow her journey and join the conversation at Sweet Tea & Science.